What is Emotional Intelligence?

 

Emotional Intelligence is a term that refers to our ability to recognize, understand and effectively manage, regulate and monitor our emotions. Emotional Intelligence relates to our ability to pursue more intentional action, to exercise emotional restraints and emotional management, thus enables us to become more personally and relationally resilient. Emotional intelligence contributes to and enhances the overall quality of our life. 

Daniel Goleman, a major leader and contributor to the field of Emotional Intelligence, identified the following significant  traits and abilities which relate to the emotional aspects of our life:

1. Emotional Self-Awareness: Knowing, regulating and reasoning about our

   own emotions.

 

2. Emotional Regulation: Managing and monitoring our own emotions and   

   appropriately directing them toward desired goal(s).

    3. Emotional Perception: The ability to recognize others’ emotions and

        to empathize and recognize others’ perspectives.

      4. Self- Motivation: The ability to self-motivate and self-direct toward the

          attainment of personal goals. The ability to regulate and manage emotional

          reactions and impulses as well as delay immediate gratification.


      5. Inter-Relational skills: The ability to interrelate effectively, positively and

          ethically with others and to cooperate with others in the pursuit of personal

          and relational goals.

      According to Steven Hein 2005, a leader in the area of Emotional Intelligence, emotionally intelligent people demonstrate the following competencies: 


      1. Label their feelings rather than people or situations: " I feel hurt and

          frustrated" vs. “you are inconsiderate/selfish…”

        2. Distinguish between thoughts and feelings: “My perception is…my

            interpretation is… my view is… How it occurs for me is..."  “I feel angry/hurt/sad…


         

        3. Own and take responsibility for their feelings: “I feel hurt/frustrated/  

            jealous..vs. “  "You are making me…” did/said… and “How would I feel if I don’t…"

         

        4. Use their feelings to help them make decisions: “How would I feel if

            I did/said...  How would I feel if I didn't?"

             

        5. They respect other people’s feelings: “How will he/she/they feel if I… and

            “What would be the impact of my actions/words on other(s)? " what is my

             intention in..."

         

        6. Feel energized/motivated/aroused (not angry): They use what others call  

           “anger” to motivate themselves, to become energized to take proactive/productive

            action.

         

        7. Validate other people’s feelings: They show empathy, understanding,

            compassion and acceptance for other people’s feelings and circumstances.

         

        8. They practice getting positive value/ learning from their negative 

            emotions: “What am I feeling? What is going on with me? What can I do to feel

            better?” They seek clarity and understanding: “What are you feeling? What is

            going on for you? What can you do/ what do you need to feel better?”

         

        9. They don’t give advise without being asked, nor do they command,

            criticize, judge or point a finger at others: They ask permission to provide

            feedback, they use “I” statements when they share their opinions, and they take

            ownship for their feelings and experiences.

          10. They avoid people who invalidate them or disrespect them and their

                feelings: As much as possible they associate with other emotionally intelligent

                people.

           

             

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